Pride & Prejudice, ch. 13: Odd Man Out

Credit to Chris Duke. I really think he captured
the way Mr. Collins wears his pride.

First time we hear from Mr. Bennet in several chapters, and what do we get? A very belated announcement of a visitor who will arrive later that very day, giving Mrs. Bennet less time to get the house ready for said visitor’s stay. For some reason, Mr. Bennet finds the chorus of his wife’s and daughters’ overlapping questions “amusing.” Considering that he already finds his wife’s overbearing manner exhausting, wouldn’t this be the kind of situation that he’d rather avoid? Then again, in presenting the information of a guest’s arrival to his family like this, he is doing the bare minimum of a host’s duties while also stirring up a little chaos. 

Good lord, no wonder Mrs. Bennet’s nerves are fried. Mine would be too if this was the kind of guy I’d been married to for the past twenty years. 

So the man who’s staying with them is one William Collins, the man who will inherit Longbourn once Mr. Bennet dies. There’s a bit where Mrs. Bennet complains that Mr. Bennet might’ve done something to change this outcome (to be fair, “settling an estate away from a family of five daughters” is a stupid rule) which is meant to show her general foolishness. While it’s true that Mr. Bennet can’t just hire a lawyer and dispute whatever legal document gives Longbourn away to Mr. Collins, the fact remains that this is super unfair. Although I’m struck with the idea that had Mr. and Mrs. Bennet had a son, Ma Bennet wouldn’t see this “cruelty” the way modern readers do.

So, this letter from Mr. Collins … man, what a letter. Fifteen years later and I still don’t know where to start. The guy goes from trying to honor his dead father’s wishes, then to a flattering description of the woman who gave him a job (Lady Catherine de Bourgh, a name you’ll be seeing a lot from now on), and then pats himself on the back for his intention of trying to make up for the fact that he will own Longbourn, or “injuring [Mr. Bennet’s] amiable daughters.” He kinda-sorta invites himself to stay at Longbourn for a few days to scope out the place try to “heal the breach,” setting up the dates that agree with Lady Catherine’s schedule. We will … talk about their relationship during the coming chapters.

Here’s an idea: This guy is a clergyman, right? If he’s so anxious about displacing a grieving mother and five daughters, why not make a promise not to push them out of their home? That would certainly do a lot to “promote and establish the blessing of peace,” as he claims is his main goal. I don’t know if this would be feasible or socially acceptable, but I also can’t think of why it wouldn’t be.* 

There’s a chance that Mrs. Bennet is thinking along the same lines, or at least is hoping to get something out of Mr. Collins’ promise to “make … amends.” Jane is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Mary is more interesting in grading his “composition.” But it’s Lizzy who zeroes in on the “oddity” of his “apologizing for being next in the entail,” even though his “style” is “very pompous.” Is he trying to be both modest and self-assured at the same time? Mr. Bennet, of course, can’t wait to see Mr. Collins in action.

Later that day (in which the household staff had hours instead of several days to prepare for a new guest, thanks, Mr. Bennet), Cousin Collins arrives in all his awkward, stiff glory. The description of how he behaves is similar to the one Darcy receives, but because Mr. Collins is on the chubby side and tries way too hard to impress his cousins, he’s much less striking. Mrs. Bennet warms up to him right away, which seems to be a mark against both characters. Most telling? In his first line of dialogue, he mentions being the heir to Longbourn. Then he spends the rest of the evening flattering the Bennet sisters and not-so-subtly taking inventory of the furniture. 

So much for promoting and establishing the “blessing of peace in all families.”

Soon to come: A ridiculous dinner and two sermons for the price of “hey, nobody asked you.”

*Even Fanny Dashwood didn’t kick her in-laws out of their house the second their father croaked, and that woman operates at Mrs. Norris levels of evil.