Pride & Prejudice, ch. 28: Regency Barbie Dream House

Lizzy’s spirits have picked up considerably now that she’s about to leave London to visit Mrs. Charlotte Collins, and it’s such a relief. Her willingness to leave behind all her disappointed feelings and bitter reflections about humanity (even while she’s about to reunite with a man who “has not one agreeable quality” and is also a reminder of the security she is expected to value above everything else) is partly what makes her such a fun character. It definitely helps invigorate the reader, too—and not a moment too soon.

When the party arrives at the Parsonage, Charlotte begins to take over the chapter, despite due to her husband’s awkward insincerity. He takes care of showing them the backyard, the garden, the land beyond, “point[ing] out [the view] with a minuteness which left beauty entirely behind.” Charlotte pretty much ignores him, though not in a way that calls attention to her (and let’s be honest, Mr. Collins is not the kind of person who’d notice when he’s being ignored). He makes it obvious that he’s trying to evoke regret in Lizzy by showing off his lodgings, which is a particularly classless move when you consider that both his father- and sister-in-law are right there. But Charlotte, who wisely did not fall in love nor develop respect for him, seems fine with ignoring this as well.

We don’t get a good sense of the look or feel of the Parsonage from text alone, but going by Charlotte’s enthusiasm for showing it off once Mr. Collins and Sir William are occupied, we can at least conclude that it’s pleasant enough to make her happy (for the time being). Though most of that is probably also due to the fact that she’s been the one doing all the “fitt[ing] up” and “arrang[ing] with a neatness and consistency” of her own style. In other words, she gets to personalize her surroundings, and quite likely for the first time in her life. Her husband seems to be “often forgotten” in comparison.

Now, this isn’t ideal. One of the most intelligent characters has to marry one of the dumbest in order to obtain some measure of independence. That is a bummer. BUT … maybe, just maybe this would make for a substantial argument that Charlotte’s pragmatism proved to be her best chance at earthly happiness. We’re not done with the book, so I’m abstaining from making that case until then (and we’ve yet to compare Mrs. Collins’s fate to that of Mrs. Darcy’s). But as of right now, even with Lizzy’s upbeat curiosity, Charlotte appears to be more content than her old friend.

Mr. Collins tries to impress on Lizzy the general importance of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. He goes so far as to claim that Lizzy “will have the honor of seeing [her]” at church, which is going just a bit too far. Catching sight of the queen at an intimate gathering—that’s more of an honor. Grand Madame Mrs. Shin, wife of the mayor of River City, going to hear a sermon like the rest of the village? Not so much. He also tries to get Lizzy hyped over the prospect of being invited along with the Collinses to Rosings Park, as if that couldn’t be taken for granted. (Wouldn’t excluding the Collinses’ guests be incredibly rude and awkward?) Finally, he ends with a brag about the number of carriages Lady Catherine owns—another petty move. His smugness in his patronage’s wealth reminds me of Mrs. Norris’s set of values.

Nevertheless, Mr. Collins’s excitement about Lady Catherine appears to be contagious, as sweet, simple Maria creates a stir when Anne de Bourgh pops by the Parsonage the next day. And by “pops by,” I mean she parks her phaeton at the Collinses’ gate and waits for Mr. Collins and Charlotte to walk up to her (Sir William just stands at the front door, bowing over and over). Lord knows what the hell they’re chatting about, unless of course Mr. Collins is the one doing all the talking. She’s attended by Mrs. Jenkinson, an older woman who appears to have no real job title other than “Anne de Bourgh’s keeper.” Maria is awed at the sight. Lizzy rightly points out that Miss d.B. is being “abominably rude to keep Charlotte out of doors” when the weather’s bad. A bit of the more spiteful, ugly side of her comes out when she sardonically notes that Miss d.B.’s air of malnutrition “will make him a very proper wife.”

Nobody say the D-word.

Once Charlotte and Mr. Collins return to the house, she reveals that their first invitation to Rosings has been issued. They’re almost all agog.*

Soon to come: Mr. Collins triumphant, Sir William continues to live by the adage that advises one to keep one’s mouth shut lest one reveals himself a fool, and an unexpected interview.

*Another Terry Pratchettism.